October's Breath of Fresh Air from Akasha....

Hi Everyone,

Actually, I should probably say Bonjour, as John and I are taking a short break in France.  When we mention to people where we’ve been, we’re often asked what we think of the French.  In part this question seems to be prompted by a belief that the French are not very friendly.  Well, I can only say that this is not my experience at all – in fact the complete opposite.  

Yesterday morning, John and I popped into a local eatery for an early morning cup of coffee whilst we waited for some brown bread to finish baking at the bakery.  As we walked in we were greeted with a round of “Bonjour’s” from the  other people there.   Over the next half hour, each person who came in also smiled and said hello to us.    

This is standard behaviour. On entering and leaving, there is always a friendly greeting to those in the immediate vicinity - not something I have experienced in the UK in a long time.  It is such a lovely tradition and one that creates a real feeling of community.  Interestingly too, I had already written this months feature which is very much about just that!   

Feature:  "When you smash the jugs, the water is one"

As soon as I read this quote from Rumi, the 13^th Century Persian philosopher, I thought of community and how, at the level it matters, we are all one. 

However, life is often not lived as though this is true.  Every time I read the BBC News website (or on rare occasions, a newspaper), there are just more reminders of how divided we are.  Nation from nation, neighbour from neighbour etc. – and much of that division is the result of the perception we hold of another.   When we look through our eyes, with our perspective, unless what we see fits our own internal map of the world, we are likely to judge another and often find them wanting in some way.  Maybe they’re the wrong colour, they speak a different language, they don’t have enough money, they have too much money, a whole host of reasons. 

When I work with people both individually and in groups, I will always set up an agreement that when people speak about themselves, they use the word “I”.  This might sound strange, surely they do that anyway - but in fact most people, when speaking about themselves or their experiences, use the word “you”.   Just listen to interviews and you will hear it constantly.     One wonderful round-the-world yachts woman, recounted her solo journey using “you” not “I”.    

“So what’s wrong with that?” you might ask.   Well, there is nothing wrong as such but it tends not to be helpful for effective communication and plays a strong part in what I call “The Blame Game”.    For example, if we are already saying “you” about ourselves, it’s an easy extension to say “you make me….. unhappy, angry, sad, mad, glad, etc” to another.    However the reality is that no-one makes us anything. 

If you stick a piece of wood in my eye, I am justified in saying “you have hurt me”.  If you tell me that I’ve hurt your feelings – not true.  Your feelings are hurt as a result of your own internal emotional reactions to what has been said and whatever buttons that might push for you.      “WHAT?!!!”,  do I hear you cry. 

Let me say more.   If you experience your feelings as hurt, by all means say “I feel hurt by that comment” rather than “You’ve really hurt my feelings”.   WHY?  Because the moment the other person hears the word “YOU” – they will hear attack, and …… they will either fire straight back or walk off in a sulk.   It is unlikely to lead to a win/win solution. 

Taking personal responsibility (ownership), for what you feel, think and say is more likely to get an outcome that works.   All around the world at the Macro and Micro levels, fingers are pointing and judgements being made.   Lives are lived as though we are separate from one another.  Yes, we may be different – but we are all one.  The sense of this is often experienced during concerts or programs, created to either help or acknowledge those who have less, or are extra-ordinary in their courage.   Here in the UK, we recently had the “Pride of Britain” awards which recognises ordinary people for their extra-ordinary courage, service, giving etc and soon we will have “Children in Need”, which raises £Millions every year.    Live Aid was another example. 

It’s at these times, that we seem able to put aside our differences and judgements and unite.    These are the times when we are “open-hearted and giving”.    And in the giving, there is a sense of community, a sense of other peoples lives also being important – those moments when their pain and/or happiness are as real as ours – and matter as much.    This is when the self imposed boundaries “the jugs”, are smashed and the water “us”, is One.

To read more about Rumi, visit the only site owned by his direct family:
www.mevlana.net

Because we like them……

We decided that each month we would include a few links to other sites, either because we know the people concerned and think they are great or we were inspired by the site and wanted to share it with you. By the way, these are not affiliate links and no money is received for including them.

www.streetcards.com

This company produces cool but professional business cards and stationery. I created 50 FREE cards as part of my Ecademy membership and was so impressed by the quality, that I wanted to share it with you.  You can either create your own using one of their numerous templates or they will design it for you.

www.greatgifts.org

With Xmas on the way (I know, I can hardly believe it myself!), why not consider buying someone a goat, sheep or pig.  They won't actually get them of course but you'll be helping the people who will.

www.cafecody.com

If you like the music of Buddha Bar and Cafe del Mar, then you'll really like this mellow, chilled online music site

A couple of extra's this month........these are events organised by people we like and which we hope will be of interest to you.

www.feelingfantasticltd.co.uk

Jon Daniels, a frequent attendee at our Laughter Events is offering the following programs in the Oxford area:

 “Elegant Sales” on 7^th Dec 2007 

“Unshakeable Confidence” on 24^th Nov 2007

www.sizzlingsuppers.com/index.php

If you are in the Oxford area, single and aged 30-50, then this could be for you!  Organised by Lesley Reader of Ladies that Lunch, this will also be raising money for charity.  You could go to John's "Unshakeable Confidence" program during the day and then put it into practice that evening......win/win all round! 

Really useful information….

I know that I have put this here before, but it has saved me and others a quite considerable amount of money, so no apologies for repeating it.  Sorry though that it is only for the UK.  If you are given an 0870 or 0845 number to call, then you might well be able to find the geographical code instead and save yourself a sizeable sum of money - especially when you are holding on for a call centre for ages!

www.saynoto0870.co.uk

If you have some really useful information that you’d like us to share with other readers in the forthcoming issues, email me at

and of course, we’ll attribute the information to you.

AND FINALLY..........

LONDON ’S NEWEST INSPIRATION – The London College of Spirituality 

College Founder, Vaz Sriharan, invited me to join him for the recent BBC London interview.   You can hear it at the College website. 

John will be facilitating a one day program there -  “Being: The Power of the Present” on Saturday 10^th November, 10-5pm. 

Then on Friday 15^th February, I will be giving an evening talk for the College. This will be held at The Friends Meeting House in Euston Road, London.NW1 and will be followed by my popular one day workshop “The Healing Experience”, which will be held at the home of the College – just 1 minutes walk from High Holborn tube. 

More of this in the next newsletter – but if you can’t wait until then, drop me a line -

for further details, times etc.

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So until next time, John and I wish you a happy, healthy and inspired month.

Akasha

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